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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. It was the reason he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks The attorney, using sign language, asks the The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the |
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thats my fave and will be used in future... other funnies thanks to Pen are FEMALE COMEBACKS!! |
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Your mental clarity is astounding today, dear Cancer. You will find that your pattern of thinking reflects exactly who you are at the core of your being. The moment you walk out the door this morning, you will find that your brain eagerly wants to process just about every thing it sees. This action will give greater assuredness and insight to yourself, making this a terrific day to stand up and speak your mind.
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A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello?" "Is your daddy home?" he asked. "Yes." whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No." Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is "Yes." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" "Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME." |
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*Note to ex husband.. you really need to get a life and stop following me round the internet, its quite sad and i am sure if you put as much energy into getting yourself sorted out as you do trying to portray me as a bad mother you will go far. i have done nothing wrong and nothing i do or the way i look affects the type of mother i am, by the way i do a fantastic job and am the best mother my kids could ever ask for. They come first after all always have done and always will. |
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it kind of remind me of a sandman animation from many years ago. |
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Well an update from me... i have not been able to eat anything for over a week, having trouble drinking etc due to the huge ulcer on the end of my tongue. i colapsed yesterday and the ambulance had to be called out. they instructed me to get the doctor out so she could prescribe me some ant acids, build up stuff, and pain relief and treatment for my remailing ulcers. to which she refused to come out and instead called up the house telling me to drink orange juice. i am going to be putting in a formal complaint about her. on the plus side i nopw have build up shakes, and all the above that i need so am on the mend. which is good because staying in bed for days was more than annoying me, but it has given me loads of time to think about things and re evalutate everything . i am going to start an eating plan as soon as these sodding ulcers have gone. its going to be mainly fruit, veg and meat as i can not eat wheat and gluten and i figure as long as i have my daily intake of the things i need i should be ok. i also want to start exercising more. my fear of getting fat again will always be there, but i don't want to get any thinner. |
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http://spankthebooty.com/ ok after spending ages playing it i finaly got an average of over 500, just though. its so much fun, thank Allan Via Pen :) |
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something good did come out of it, its just as soon as i logged on 8 people all wanted to talk to me http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/chr then my mofo computer decides to eat my Internet browser profile with all my bookmarks on it.
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why is it that becuase we don't do Christmas we get called weird? What gives a person the right to bombard you with Merry Christmas wishes and then get all arsey when you say "Thank you, happy christmas to you too although we don't do chrstmas we do Yule which is in the 21st" (Yes its happened today on more the 10 times) personaly i think cellebrating a holiday that you don't believe in is a bit weird but i don't go round calling people names for it. if they want to do it then good for them, i understand its "An excuse to get pissed" "Time for family" "Great cause i get prezzies" and even "Its for the kids" but honestly if some one wished me happy birthday and it wasn't my birthday then i would say thank you but its not my birthday until..... and nothing would be said The thing i guess i am really anoyed about it that i am getting xmas wishes of my friends. when i got hardley any at Yule. i expect it from my family as my grandma is the only one who has ever wished me a happy solstice. To all my friends who do Christmas though i hope you have a loverly day xxxx |
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cranky